Finding a Piece of Home

Monte Burke

Editor's Note: The following excerpt from Monte Burke's Rivers Always Reach the Sea originally appeared in the Tom Beckbe Field Journal in June 2023.

It was early June and I was on the main stem of the Delaware again, an annual habit that had, decades ago, lurched into an addiction. The solstice was nigh, meaning I didn’t feel insane for staying on the water and casting a fly until 9:30 PM or so. There are a multitude of hatches this time of year that reliably bring up trout—the early-morning blue-winged olives, the caddis, and, of course, the most reliable of them all, the yellow-bodied, white-winged sulphurs. But I was here on this broad, open pool on this grand river, watching the sun drop behind the ancient mountains that line its course, because of the Green Drake, the mayfly that brings up the largest and orneriest trout of the year.

But the Green Drake hatch in the Catskills occupies a strange liminal zone. It is part reality and part myth—unreliable, unseen by many, predicated on faith. Hardcores who religiously chase the hatch view it in the same way a certain faction of theologians interprets parts of the Old Testament, like the evil snake in the Garden, the Tower of Babel, and the Great Flood: Not as literal stories, but as “profoundly true.”

After mating, the Green Drakes sometimes fall from the sky to the water—their bodies morphed into the shape of a cross in an easy-to-see white—and then are eagerly snatched off the surface by big trout. Sometimes, though, they don’t fall at all. But that’s OK. Even the prospect of a Green Drake spinner fall maybe happening is enough for me to drop all appointments, drive up, and allow myself to become wholly absorbed in this land of rivers in southwestern New York state.

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When I moved to New York City for a job a few decades ago, I thought I was done for, that some integral part of my very being was about to be forever interred by the concrete. I grew up in the woods and on the waters of Alabama, North Carolina, and Virginia. In Gotham, that life appeared to be over and done with, sacrificed at the altar of a budding career, a steady salary, a group healthcare plan, and a 401k. 

But then I discovered the Catskills, just a few hours away from the city by car, but eons away in its essence. The rivers that sluiced through the cleavage of the Catskill Mountains—the Beaverkill, Willowemoc, Neversink, Esopus, Schoharie, and the east and west branches and the main stem of the Delaware—were loaded not only with trout, but also with history, the water on which modern fly fishing techniques were pioneered by the likes of Theodore Gordon, Art Flick, and Lee and Joan Wulff. 

In the Catskills, I found immediate and nearly insatiable love. The rivers are gorgeous, cold, and clear. The fish—mainly wild browns and rainbows—are enthralling, large, and very hard to fool. The best anglers on the rivers are like the best east coast skiers—sharpened by the less-than-perfect conditions, the opposite of what’s usually found in the more comfortable American West. Parts of the Catskills area, especially low on the main stem of the Delaware, remind me of the South, with lush green hills, long summer nights, lack of citified hurry, and the hint of backwoods menace, of moonshiners and the distant sound of target practice. There’s a dreaminess to the Catskills, a mood that hangs over you like early-morning riversmoke. It all felt like a piece of home.

 

 

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At first, it was enough to just know where it was. Seeing it once or twice a day on my dresser reminded me both of the trip, and the penny’s potential. Finally, on the way out the door to another fishing trip, I put the penny into my pocket as a way to curry favor with the fishing gods. When I thought about where the penny had come from, I figured it might have a little bit of a fishing mojo after spending so much time in the lake. The trip was a success and the penny earned a permanent place in my pocket.

Over the next year, I dutifully moved the penny from pocket to pocket as I went about my life, making sure to keep it safe and close by for those moments when I needed a blast of luck. At times, I’d pull it out and flip it. Heads meant I was on the right track. Tails meant I needed to slow down. Other times, I’d fidget with it as I thought through a problem. Eventually, I could tell how my life was going based on how clean the penny was. A bright, shiny penny meant I’d been thinking a lot. A dull, grimy penny meant I wasn’t as worried about things. 

It was, as it turned out, a pretty great year. The twelve months that I held on to the penny weren’t always easy, but things were moving in a fantastic direction for my family and me. I know the penny wasn’t the cause of that luck. But I still attributed a good amount to it, just in case.

When I returned to Onaman Lake a year later, the penny came with me. For the most part, it was there because it was always in my pocket. But a part of me felt like I should return the penny to the lake, to give back what it had offered me over the preceding year. The closer I got to the return trip, the stronger the feeling became. The superstitious part of me knew that keeping the penny wasn’t an option. Real or not, you don’t tempt the gods. If nature offers you something, you respect the gift and give thanks. If you say you’re going to return it, you follow through. 

That thought followed me all week as I thought about what to do with the penny. I found the answer to my problem on the windowsill of the cabin. In the middle of a handful of change left by another guest was another American penny, this one from 1960. I would have preferred another 2023, but this was better. It was older and had acquired more experience than the one I had. It would do nicely as an offering. 

As I watched the older penny sail through the air, I thanked the lake for the year that had been and the one that was coming up. I’m almost 100% sure I would have been fine either way, but as an angler and a naturally superstitious person, I think it always pays to err on the side of caution. It costs so very little to give back, to honor the resource. Just about a cent in fact. 

You don’t tempt the old gods.